Totally Fake News Here
Author: Kash Register
Fri Feb 28 2020
THE MOON - You may know the name Wallenda. The whole family is world renowned for their flying ability. Seven generations in, we have Nik Wallenda. He doesn't fly. He does lots of other stuff that could probably take an article of their own, like Wikipedia has already written. What he is best known for today is that he walks tightropes. But he doesn't just walk tightropes. He does insane tightrope walking! Not content with simply working inside a gigantic tent, he prefers to cross Niagara Falls, or Canada's Wonderland Theme Park, or the Grand Canyon, or between skyscrapers in Chicago. Reportedly, he is planning on crossing an open active volcano sometime soon. Honestly, we think that one is probably a gimmick. Because it's too ridiculous to be for real. I mean, really...
Now that Nik Wallenda has walked across pretty much every chasm on Earth, he has planned his next venture. He will be going to The Moon.
Clearly this presents a gigantic undertaking of monumental proportions, but like many things in life, anything can be accomplished with proper planning. Wallenda will tie one end of the cable, to the base of Mount Everest. The other end of the 238,900 mile long cable will be attached to SpaceX rocket, and launched to the Moon. There the cable will be kept tied to the rocket for the duration of the stunt.
Timing is of the utmost importance for this stunt because Nik intends to walk the entire distance without any safety gear, or even a space suit. He will just hold his breath and jump into the rocket when he completes the walk. It should be noted that this stunt becomes somewhat less dangerous once he gets some 15 miles into the walk because then he will be weightless. He won't really feel the effects of gravity again until he gets close to the Moon. That will be some hours into the stunt.
"I expect the winds will be pretty bad and dangerous for the first part of the trip. But it will be much easier once I leave the atmosphere", says a very confident Wallenda.
The event will be broadcast live via pay per view, and across major streaming services. You won't want to miss this, it will be the event of the decade for sure!
Trump Kicks Puppies - no seriously
Fraud Occurred in this Election Alright
Nik's next stunt is going to be out of this world