Totally Fake News Here
Author: R. D. RR. Whitaker
Tue Dec 25 2018
PLANET EARTH - We here at Totally Fake News would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. But we can't because people might get offended. Saturnalia is included in the headline in an effort to buffer the possible offense, because it could rightfully be considered the godfather of all the holidays that we associate with Christmas.
Let's face it... It's ridiculous for anyone to get offended when someone wishes you well for the holidays. Does it really matter what religion you adhere to? Does it even matter if there is no religion to speak of?
If you have people wishing you well during the holidays, whether it's Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, Saturnalia, or some of the more popular mid-winter Druid celebrations, why on Earth would you be upset by that?!
Is it because they are the wrong religion? Is it because you think they are jacking your holiday? That is a pretty silly stance to take on someone providing well wishes to you and your family.
So we are going to wish all people ALL good things, no matter what you choose to call the holiday. And if you are offended because the word following "Happy" or "Merry" is not the word you were hoping for, I humbly suggest that you suck it up and be polite. Never get angry at someone for being kind.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. No matter who. No matter where. Enjoy the day. And be good to each other.
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